So over the last couple of months certain things have been going on and I have to admit I have struggled slightly. I have been single for over 3 and a half years and I have found that I'm extremely independent which is amazing and something I wanted to be for such a long time. But sometimes that has its down points.
I find it quite hard sometimes to let people in because I am so used to being on my own which of course I love but I wish sometimes I could let my barriers down more often. I keep my circle very close but recently I became friends with someone who unfortunately took my kindness for weakness. When I am friends with someone they have my WHOLE HEART, I give them everything, my love and I pride myself on my loyalty to my friends. I have always been taught to treat people how they treat you so at the beginning when this person was lovely to me I began to open my arms to them and I felt as though I was very good to them.
When they had fallen out with their friends and had nowhere else to go or anyone to turn to I was there to support them. I didn't do that because I wanted gratitude or I wanted them to do that to me, I did it because I wanted to and because I cared. Quite deeply. I have been bought up with a humongous amount of love and affection therefore its second nature to me to be compassionate and caring so when I care about you, I really deeply care about you. However, when you are like this people it unfortunately sets you up for fall if something happens because it affects me massively when someone doesn't treat me the same way in return. I ask myself, 'but I would never do that to you?' so why on earth does my friend think its acceptable to treat me badly?
The answer is clear: unfortunately sometimes people see kind people as weak people. If you are sweet then you are a pushover. Its funny how many people look at me when I go into a coffee shop and make friends with the baristas, I love chatting and I LOVE being polite. But some people think that its 'weird' or 'abnormal' to be friendly and warm to strangers. It is no way a reflection of my personality but it is of theirs, their inability to accept anything other than 'the norm'.
I felt as though at the beginning writing this post and admitting to being hurt by this person then I am admitting defeat and appearing weak but my brother (who is my best friend) made me realise that being able to see your own weaknesses and being able to talk about it is a strength. I'm not going to let my past experiences with friends or ex boyfriends allow me to become bitter or change me as a person, I may be 'too nice' on occasions but I also have a backbone and I won't allow myself to be mistreated. If you want to see my kindness as weakness then more fool you because realistically at the end of the day it'll be your loss honey, not mine! By no means am I saying I never make mistakes and I never mess up because I am human at the end of the day we aren't bionic and everyone makes mistakes. BUT I try my best to always learn from them and that is what matters.
So to all of my fellow angels out there who treat people with respect, love and loyalty DON'T let other peoples actions define you. As part of growing up, people walk in and out of our lives but its the ones who stay that count. No matter what you go through and no matter how strong you think you are, you can never prepare yourself for hurt. BUT you can pick yourself up and keep going and take something positive from a negative situation. From the situation I went through with this person my positive is that hopefully the character traits of that person that fooled me in the first place, I will be more aware of in the future and spot them earlier on. My positive is also that I didn't have an extremely deep friendship with this person because I saw their true colours early on so less time was wasted and now I can spend time focusing on my true friends and the good people in my life.
I love the way I am and even though I'm not everyone's cup of tea, I've learnt that actually I don't really care as long as the people who matter care then I am one happy, happy princess.